This post is for my sisters; they are the only ones who will really feel my pain. And Rebecca too- she understands having hair where isn't not supposed to be.
Bybee girls have all had to develop special relationships with tweezers over the years- we're just that hairy. It's our dad's fault. There are a few lucky sisters that have ventured into the world of laser-hair removal, but I'm not that lucky. So, I'm tweezing my eyebrows, late for a dentist appt. Late is not that out of the ordinary; what IS out of the ordinary is the amount of hair proliferating on TOP of my eyebrows- as if my eyebrows were invading my forehead and headed for my hairline.
I just don't get it. For me, have a baby= more hair. WHY??? WHY WHY WHY???? Stretch marks, ok. Extra weight, ok. But forehead HAIR?? It just doesn't seem fair. That rhymes.
NO NO NO. I'm NOT going to just sit by and let that happen. And, I need to fix it NOW. I picture the dentist, his face THISCLOSE to my face, suddenly distracted by my hairy forehead, and then he drills a hole in my cheek or something. NO!
I check the time- I should've been gone 5 minutes ago. So now I'm panicked and late- not a good combination for me. It tends to make me lose my mind a little but and do things I would NEVER do if I had all my mind.
I holler at kids to get in the car-I can hear a game of tag going on, so no one hears me. Tweezers are slow going and I can see the minutes ticking by. One more holler "IN THE CAR PLEASE!!" and I get an idea. (Mind is lost at this point) I grab a little trimmer that I use around the boy's ears when I cut their hair- I'll shave them off! Brilliant! I'm in total hair-removal-concentration-mode as I move closer to my face with the trimmer and somewhere in the background of my consciousness I hear Adam yell "Mom is base!" but I fail to realize the implications. I am base.
Can you see the events playing out in slow motion? Me, trimmer in hand, getting slammed from behind by two boys who have outrun their sister and are safe on "base," and bbbbzzzzztttttttt... 1/3 of my left eyebrow is gone. I just stare at myself in disbelief. Speechless. Momentarily I go into hyper-panic mode and begin frantically rubbing what is left of my eyebrow, like I can somehow spread it out to cover what is now oh-so-noticeably missing. Alas, hair doesn't spread.
I can't even laugh or cry or do anything but put the trimmers down in total defeat and turn to face the kids who have all frozen mid-tag game and are just staring at me. Staring at the 2/3 of my eyebrow that is left.
Now, the dentist really has something to look at.
P.S. Since I started this post, all the hair has grown back. That is the one plus about being hairy, I guess- it doesn't take long to recover from a serious shaving incident.
12 comments:
Sara.
Seriously?
No picture.
We, your readers, need total humilation from you.
Oh Sara. No one does it for me like you do! Please post daily! I am still laughing my head off, but I am with tj, we need a picture!
Where is the picture!! Sara...You are seriously soo dang funny! You make my life "happy". :)
To keep you really honest I must tell your readers that only ONE of your sisters has had laser hair removal. And with all the years of school still ahead for my hubby, it's clear that I will be waiting MANY Christmases before that kind of life-altering gift is even an option. You should totally do it. It will be your gift to yourself and your family. Less hair to pluck = more time with the kids, right?
I really needed that tonight. Awesome!!! :-)
Sorry about no picture- I was seriously so surprised by the chain of events and SO LATE for my dentist appointment that all I had time to do was try and pencil something in that looked mostly normal and get in the car. Then I spent the next hour trying to look normal in the dentist chair while his eyes kept wandering up to my eyebrow...err...pencil line. A camera was the last thing on my mind- no, not the last thing, it wasn't even on my mind.
Wow, that's choice.
I also am hairy. I have given up on my eyebrows (or should I say eyebrow). I hate to tweeze, so whenever I visited my younger sister Karolyn I make her do it (I have a huge aversion to pain) while I wince like crazy. But she's been on her mission in Russia for 6 months now! I need help!
By the way, I mentioned you in a post today. : ) Thank you for your fountain of wisdom when Jeffrey was little. I think the beginning sentence that started the conversation was, "Kimberly. Jeffrey's got your number." And I'm so glad you pointed it out!
ps. I only see my little sister every six months to a year whenever I see family in UT, so she always had to completely re-pluck my eyebrows. I know. Fun fun. (Fun for her or for me? I vote her; she likes making me wince!)
HAHA!! That's really funny. I don't have the forehead hair, but as I get older I'm starting to feel more compassion for a certain Julie M.?? 'Nuff said. And highly sad.
Ouch. Cyra seems to have inherited your genes. She's very proud that her legs look like daddy's because she has a beard on her knee. I am rejoicing with her now, but am prepared for the day when she realizes that her classmates may not think it's so cool for her to have the hairiest legs--by a lot!
You don't know me, but you know Lisa Jarbo. She got me hooked on your blogs. Now I'm an addict. Your stories are very therapeutic and hilarious! I'm glad your hair has grown back. Oh, my name is Alicia and I'm Lisa's Iowa friend. She might be moving, but I'm forever stuck in Iowa!
Hahahah... that sucks so bad! I really want to see a photograph though. You are seriously hilarious!!! I am sure you didn't think so initially though... :D
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