Overheard

Rachel, talking to no one in particular while holding Jacob, who had just spit up on her shoulder. "Taking care of babies is sometimes hard. And gross."

Amen, sister.

Be gone from my life

Dear Chocolate Chip Banana Bread,

Had I known it was going to end this way, I would've never invited you to share so much of the past few days with me. I don't know what to say- I feel like you've taken advantage of me. I thought you were one thing, and you've become another. You started as a snack and have become entire meals. I know you say "But, you made me! How could it be my fault?" I know. I added the chocolate chips because I felt good about using whole wheat flour and replacing some of the oil with applesauce. But, had I known the danger that one added ingredient would pose I would've never done it. Had I known that a "batch" was 8 mini-loaves, I would've thought twice. But, in my zeal to not let my brown bananas end up in some landfill, they are now ending up in my tummy.

You're just not who I thought you were. You started out as just plain old banana bread, but now you are all the more sweetly accompanied by chocolate chips, which, has been proven in numerous scientific studies, I am powerless to resist. I haven't even given my other snacks a second thought. All the carrot sticks and cauliflower that I so carefully cut and prepared sit idly by in the fridge as the spell you have cast over me brings be back to you again and again. It doesn't matter that I've given you away to friends and neighbors, too much of you remains in this house. You are a distraction, and it must end. You must be gone from my life- you have until the end of the day. If you are not gone by then, it's the freezer for you. I am sorry that it has come to this; I hope we can meet again in the future under more pleasant circumstances.

Sincerely,

Sara

Losing the battles, losing the war

It's the war on beans. Some of you may know about my recent tumultuous relationship with beans It's THE MOST love/hate relationship I've ever had. I love to eat beans, I hate to make them. I've burned them, spilled them all over me, made huge messes with them and ruined batch after batch of #$%@ beans! My last batch of beans looked SO promising until I got a little too fancy with the spices and they went the way of all the other beans I've made since living here in AZ- DOWN THE DRAIN, into the disposal. So far the score is: Beans, 5, Sara 0. BUT. I am a fighter. I WILL WIN.

Yesterday I bought the COSTCO size bag of pinto beans. I WILL WIN even if it takes me the entire bag. I will produce an edible batch of beans if it is the LAST thing I do.

Surreal

Friday night we went to the boy's soccer games (Johnny scored 3 goals!), came home and settled in for Family Movie Night; Star Wars. We ate popcorn and gummy bears and drank Sprite and had a great time. Miles away from us, friends and loved ones had boarded up their homes and were preparing for Ike. It was so weird for me to experience the first major hurricane to hit Texas while NOT living in Texas. I called people. I worried about people. I watched CNN all day long and worried some more. I remembered what it was like for us to evacuate during Rita; how unsettled and anxious it made me to see empty grocery stores and gas stations with no gas. I called more people. I worried when I couldn't get through. As I went to bed at 11 pm AZ time I knew that my friends were engulfed in that ferocious storm. Robin was trying to sleep with her family in a closet, Trina and Andy were with their kids sleeping in the bathroom as were countless others... and I lay down in my safe bed. So surreal.

My children, the objects

Ever read anything by the Arbinger Institute or Terry Warner? If you haven't, you should. Really. If you have, you know that it's like Pandora's box. Once open, it can't be shut. Dan and I attended an Arbinger seminar last week and it's been a heckuva week ever since.

"Why?" you ask? Well, I'll tell you. Completely oversimplified Arbinger teaches that you can respond to those around you in two different ways; you can treat people as people, or as objects. That is the choice we all have. Responding to people as people, we hear their concerns, we value them as we value ourselves and we respond to them RESPONSIVELY. If we see them as objects (obstacles, tools, or just completely irrelevant) we are RESISTANT to their needs and their humanity. For me, that happens with my kids when they misbehave (or don't behave the way I want them to) and I forget that the children I have been blessed with are WONDER-ful, that they look to me for love and acceptance, and that more than anything else, I love them very much.

So, I take the kids to a grocery store that we don't normally go to because they are they only store in the area that sells Taco Bell canned refried beans, which my kids are obsessed with. Jake is in a baby carried strapped to the front of me, the other three are on the loose doing what kids do in the grocery store. "Moooooom, can we buy this? This? No. This? NO. This? NOOOO!"

Cantaloupes are on sale for $1 each- score! We buy 5. On the the bean aisle where, as we are in the process of emptying the shelf of all the beans, a very nice-looking (hair-do, high heels, fake nails, MAKEUP) woman rounds the bend with her cart. I am instantly very aware of how I look (no makeup- let's just leave it at that) and the circus that is my three kids and the assembly-line system they've come up with for getting the beans into the cart which also includes a nifty little chant- "Beans in the cart! Beans in the cart!"

Adam, curious little genuis-in-the-making that he is stares at the contents of her basket. She looks at him with mild displeasure and I can feel my insides harden. I snap "Adam, step back!" and I realize that he has just, in ONE INSTANT, become an object to me. He has done nothing wrong, but I am very aware that I want him to leave the pretty lady alone and not draw more attention to us. I grab his arm and pull him back. She passes, throwing one last "I'm-so-glad-I'm-not-you" glance over her shoulder.

I'm mad. At who? I dont' know! Her for "making" me wish I had at least put mascara on; at my kids for being cute (in a loud sort of way). At myself, for grabbing the arm of my tender kid who is just being a kid- for treating him like something I needed to move out of her way.

It gets better. We go up to check out and whose cart slide in behind us? Bingo. But, this time, instead of giving me her grouchy look as she is walking away, she gets to stand there and try to melt me with it as she clicks her fake nails on her cart. AND, bear in mind, the same chanting ("Beans out of the cart!") assembly-line thingie has started up as we unload FORTY cans of beans and 5 cantaloupes on to the belt. I feel completely ridiculous and like I should explain to someone that I do feed my kid more than cantaloupe and beans and then Rachel smashes Johnny against the gum rack with the cart ("It was an accident Mom, I promise!") and Johnny takes a swing at her (not an accident) and Adam steps on my foot as he's trying to get past to ask me for the HUNDREDTH time if he can buy a gumball.....and they are all objects to me now. I can feel the blood pulsing and rushing to my head as I grab all three of them by various body parts and hiss "STOP! STOP NOW!" And, in my head now, the new "Arbinger Seminar Voice" (you know that voice that you hear after you figure out you're doing something you shouldn't be doing?? The one that won't shut up?? THAT voice.) asks "Stop what? Being kids? Helping me? Having fun while working together?"

Siiiigh. I was so excited when I came home from the seminar. I figured I could probably stop treating people like objects THAT WEEKEND if I put my heart into it. Now, almost a whole week later I just feel like I have 10 shirts on and 10 pairs of pants on too- restricted and aware of every movement that I make because I'm constantly asking myself if I'm treating others like objects or people. It takes a long time to change.

Ok so the"no sugar" thing...

It's going great! (lie) It is sooo much easier than I ever thought it would be! (lie) So super-duper easy! Uh-huh! Easy easy easy. No problems, no temptations. (lie lie lie)

I can't! It's too hard! I am defenseless against the sample basket of chocolate chip cookies at Paradise Bakery! I am feeble, flimsy, frail, weak, wimpy and wishy-washy (thanks thesaurus.com) when it comes to the dessert menu!

The trouble is, I leave my house. The only sugar in my house is a jar of semi-fossilized jelly beans. As Dan will attest (as he grumbles, opening cupboard after cupboard hoping some new junk food will have magically appeared since the last time he looked) our house is bereft of anything that even resembles junk food. As long as I don't leave my house, I'm FINE. As long as I go to the library, the bank, or even the grocery store, I'm FINE. But, take me to a meeting for homeschool moms at Paradise Bakery and it's GAME OVER. Take me out to dinner with Jon and Laura (who had the nerve to order a dessert for 4) and I don't say a word as I savor every bite of my icecream.

So , I just have to never ever go anywhere but the library or the bank. Ok, that's easy. Or, just work on giving up something easier like...thinking, thinking... hotdogs or some equally detestable food.

Hmmmm. Maybe hotdogs is the answer! Baby steps...one at a time...I'll start with hotdogs and then progress on to other "machine-separated" meat products like chicken nuggets (except Chick-Fil-A)! Eventually, with iron willpower developed after vanquishing one mystery meat product after another (I may even take bologna on!) I'll be ready to face my foe sugar.

random things

Stella, this is Jake. You'd better watch out girl, I'm gaining on you! My rolls are multiplying fast and I'm just getting started.

We love love LOVE this boy.


Sweet husband brought home sweet treats- the day after I decided sugar was banished from my life. I let it stay another day. But seriously now, no more. None.

This is the pool we got to try and ward off the AZ summer heat. To me, it looks like a huge tub in our backyard. Kids don't really have to take a real bath on the days they swim, right? The water's as warm as bathwater so I don't see the difference. Soap? Overrated. Saline water certainly has some antiseptic effects, right?