ill-fated midnight snack

As I finished Jake's midnight-ish feeding, that familiar rumble in my tummy started. I was hungry. Faintly, somewhere in my groggy subconscious I had the feeling that I should just go to bed...you know, one of those feelings, that in retrospect would've been much more helpful if accompanied by ominous, impending-doom music or at least something related to the "I've got a bad feeling about this" sentiment.

Thoughts of a slice of raisin pecan bread lured me into the kitchen, and thoughts of a nice glass of orange juice to go with my raisin pecan bread lured me to the fridge. The fridge light spilled out into the dark kitchen as I balanced a huge pot of beans I'd made earlier in the day, and reached behind it for the juice.

That's when things went terribly, terribly wrong. Out of the darkness, speeding toward the fridge light, some overzealous enormous moth (behe-moth?) smacked me in the ear. Grogginess being what it was, I completely lost my mind and, in some now-inexplicable movement, threw one or both of my arms up or out, or in multiple directions at once. Laws of physics being what they are, beans and pot went up, and out and in multiple directions at once and there I stood covered in beans. Inexplicably (again), I was holding the pot!

The following is helpful in explaining how I felt, covered in beans.

"When a person is injured or under great stress, the cardiovascular system may not be able to circulate enough blood to maintain normal bodily functions. This condition is called shock, and it may strike the victim of any accident or emotional trauma. Shock may develop soon after the injury has occurred, or it may not appear until minutes or even hours later. Sometimes shock is more dangerous than the injuries that brought it on, and in severe cases it can cause death."

I just stood there. For a long time. By the light of the fridge, and confirmed by the cold, slimy feeling ALL over my body, I knew I was covered in beans, but I lacked ability to respond. The incomprehensibility of it, the bitter unfairness of it all- ALL I WANTED WAS A SNACK!! How was this happening to me??


Again, more information about shock is enlightening: "A person suffering from shock may be cold, may shiver, and may have cold, clammy pale skin in color. Breathing could be shallow, and there may be vomiting. On the other hand, there may be few obvious signs that shock is setting in"

I was shaking, shivering and then, crying. It started as a little whimper, and escalated into full-fledged sobs and sniffles as I took my clothes off and made my way down the hall, feeling bean juice running down my body and pooling on the tops of my feet. I got into the shower in the kids bathroom, surrounded by the cheerful looking animals that decorate the walls and shower curtain and I cried even harder. There were beans in my hair!! How??

The calming effects of a warm shower evaporated when I went back to the kitchen and saw the mess with the lights on.



My eyes filled with tears again as "poor me...poor, poor me" reverberated in my mind, and I contemplated just turning the light off and going to bed, leaving the beans to their fate on the floor. I just didn't think I could handle any more. Even my yummy bread was covered in beans and I never did get that glass of orange juice.

Then, from nowhere a giggle emerged. It probably started out as another tummy rumble and then saw no point in kicking a girl when she was down, so all of the sudden I was laughing. Down on my hands and knees I alternated between giggling and sniffling (I wasn't completely through feeling sorry for myself yet) as I swept up, mopped up and cleaned up those beans. I couldn't get the beans out from under the fridge, they are probably half-way to petrified by now. The last thing I saw before I turned off the light and marched my weary bones to bed was the moth. I think he was apologizing.